November 30, 2014


I was told not to take photos in this bakery, and when I inquired as to why, because I was pointing at a logo-less bread basket at the time, it turned into a whole thing with an old man chiming in to say wrong things about copyright, so of course I had to post the picture –after making sure there were in fact no logos on it.

This is also conveniently fitting with the theme of the writing challenge I’m posting today. Participating weekly in the writing challenge sounded like a great idea… until I couldn’t come up with anything to write about… Which is why I’m only posting today a response to a challenge from over ten days ago, the Overheard Challenge. My main problem was that I didn’t really overhear much (or didn’t listen enough I guess). But of the few quotes I scribbled down, my favorite was an exchange between a father and his teenage son about how to butter one’s toast, so here goes. The first four lines of dialogue are real, and I picked up from there. Disclaimer: I have nothing against hipsters, and may in fact be 1/8th hipster myself.

Hipster Tartines

“- You took my butter!

– You weren’t using it anymore!

– Yes I was, I still have my toast.

(a few minutes later)

– What’s going on, are you buttering your toast like a hipster?!”

– What are you talking about, that doesn’t mean anything.

– Yes it means you’re taking forever.

– OK… And what does it have to do with being a hipster?

– Well, obviously hipsters take longer to butter their toast.

– Huh? Yeah right, like you’ve studied the time hipsters take to butter their toast.

– I haven’t studied them as in, I put them in a room, locked them up with a couple hundred baguettes, pounds of butter and timed their buttering technique, but I have encountered a few and I have observed them. Everything they do is carefully thought through to achieve maximum perceived originality (or MPO if you will), so obviously that applies to butter as well.

– OK, whatever.

– No, listen. Obviously they would only buy some kind of organic hand-churned butter, from hand-milked cows (or goats even), and it would come out of the fridge pretty hard so they would have to wait for it to soften. Then they don’t eat sliced white bread, they only eat some kind of gluten-free French baguette, so they have to slice their own toast, and then carefully toast it —probably in the oven or on a wood fire even, if they have a backyard, but not in a toaster. Finally they would get their vintage butter knife and carefully apply the butter to the toast, making a fixie bike or moustache pattern in the process. And by the time they’re ready to eat their toast, everybody else is done with breakfast.

– You know the butter has been sitting next to you for like an hour, so in all the time it took you to explain this insane hipster butter theory you could have buttered your own toast and you’d be done with breakfast. But now your toast is all cold, and I’m done and you’re not, and you’re the one who butters his toast like a hipster.

– How can I butter my toast like a hipster if I haven’t even touched the butter?

– Exactly, what’s more hipster than forgetting about buttering your toast because you’re disserting on hipster methods of buttering toast.

– You don’t know what you’re talking about.

– Yeah, yeah ok, don’t forget to draw a moustache with your butter.”

3 thoughts on “November 30, 2014

  1. Such a hipster thing to do, write a short story of perceived overheard dialogue about a father and son talking about hipsters slathering butter on toast when the irony really is that the father was the hipster all along. I liked this before it was cool.

    Liked by 1 person

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